tomorrow haven't arrive and i'm lonely here without you by my side. i got dumped, crash, burnt, left, weaken, fooled. i wasn't really prepared for this. i didn't knew that the day would come. i really thought he was the one but this was few days back and i finally crawled out of my shell to tell you guys this.
i'm named as single again. and i felt betrayed. i loved him truly. and he just got away. he told me that his love for me was fading and that was the first i heard a guy i loved more than my life say that. i never been so broken. i was sick without him. i've been having insomnia a lot lately. i even been called to the hospital but i'm partially fine. i cut myself just right next to the wrist. thank god, my sis went into the room accidentally and stopped me. i wasn't thinking straight, i wasn't myself, i wasn't anyone. i feel dark nightmares crept into me and tell me i will never be loved. that made me scream at night.
one night, i was screaming like bella when she lost her edward. well i was just being crazy. but i was screaming. it's more kind of a loud grunt. i smashed my stuffs to the floor. i burnt all the printed memories and i burnt the pages of my journal that's all about him. i couldn't take another second to see his name or even to say it. or think about it. my brother brought me to my cousin's house on the other and along the way, i saw him. but it wasn't him. he was smiling at me and sending me a flying kiss but as soon i've reached the traffic light, it dissapears. i was torn apart to see him gone. what was thinking to let him go.?i didn't know anything at all. i didn't respond to my teacher, parents or anyone. i was just staring at a blank space, thinking about the time we spent.
i was stupid, i was dying. i've let him go. i love him truly and he wants me to stop it. how the hell am i gonna do that. i love you so much and i couldn't let you go that easily. i really wanted to be with you again but it seems you almost moved on. after a few days, i went to Ayamku. reminds me of the phonecall that made my day. i was saying I Love You first. i meant it very well. then the storm came. he told me to go alone and i wasn't prepare. i wasn't crying. i was screaming into my pillow. soaked it with my tears. my heart was ripped out, was been eaten by betrayal. it looked like a harmless love. i wasn't ready. and a big knife just sliced into me without my notice and all i manage to do is just smile. smile tearfully, holding the pain, let the blood go but it won't stop. i tried to ignore it but the more i ignore the more the pain comes.
i've been asking myself, what shall i do? should i call him for a go back? or just leave him like that? Should i inbox him or should i let him go. and i did let him go but i tried to called a thousand times, i tried to message all the time but none of my nerves are ready to talk to him or even text him. i've been writing alot of " I Still Love You" but it wouldn't change a thing. i wanted yesterday to come but sadly, we can't change time.
I STILL LOVE YOU DEARLY and I NEEDED YOU EVERSINCE YOU LEFT ME. and all this time, i've been thinking about you and how i could be good enough for you and now you told me you was just testing me. i couldn't believe my eyes. you haven't trust me yet. it's awful than i thought. my tears was pouring blood out, i couldn't stand to reply this but my guts are telling me to. so i did but i was extremely dying. i was in the stage of another goodbye before a hello. it pains you inside if someone you loved doesn't trust you and you trust them completely. i get my heart broken so many times but this is the worst.i was left and told i'm not trusted. and now. i just don't know what to do. i'm lost. help me :'(
